The Caretaker

Patience and kindness are elements that are needed for those who are ill and need our help, but it is also for our own selves. These things are easy to forget and we often feel selfish for even suggesting them. Have you ever gotten a blanket for someone who said they were cold, but forgot that you were cold too? Caretakers need to be in touch with their own needs too. If you don't you will find yourself resenting the person you are caring for and you will also stop loving parts of yourself.. be kind to YOU.

Being a caretaker for someone who is chronically ill can be daunting and lonely at times. No one living a so called 'normal' life can nor will ever possible understand the significance of it. There is a part of YOU that has been abandoned in order to 'be there' for another individual. There is a part of YOU lost and dare I say mostly lost to you so much that it is hard to identify your very own personality without the surname of caretaker to preface it.

Here is a bit of ranting that you as a caretaker will no doubt relate to:

I confess that I personally go back and forth with it all.. partly out of survival. I research, create diets, vitamin regiments, am the sounding ear, on and on. Then a part of me pulls back because I get overwhelmed. Yet a bit of times goes by and I somehow, because I love this person, resurface and begin it all again. In many ways I have stopped living because of it... and the person I am now does not even resemble who I used to think "me" was. So selfish at times, that is the way it feels. I know and I wish I could stay centered, but I am also an artist and oft times the dark side is too much combined with my husbands pain and loss of life essentially.

I guess I add my ranting because it needs to be understood by the victim as well as the caretaker. The fact that their pain is felt in ways that can't be explained sometimes and they, the victim, live in a world outside of ours as well. It all feels so lonely.

The guilt is tremendous as I close my eyes sometimes and try to imagine a normal life.

OK! So that is the ranting said and felt in weak moments, what to do with those feelings when you are alone in the dark late at night? Decide to make things a bit better!

I think there simply MUST be time for YOU. You cannot let things go about yourself no matter how easy that feels to slide into. TIME MUST be taken out to personally pamper yourself. Yes I said "pamper"! No that is not a bad word or concept. TIME must be given back to your lest you disappear. You know its true don't you? So, OK, right now at this very moment you need to start a list of things that feel like "pampering".

Here are a few ideas:

1) A nice bath with candles and some bath salts.

2) Do your toes! If you can't afford to have them done, do them yourself. Funny I know but when you look down on them you are going to feel a sense of being taken care of... by "you"!

3) Tell the person you are care taking that you need a "Pay it Forward" from them. This seems like an odd thing to do I know, but just a hand massage will do, something simple. They need to benefit by giving back to you as well.

4) Spend some time reading about something only you care about.

5) Learn something new! Think of something you have always wondered about and research it. If you don't know what that might be, get the book "How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci". It's all about curiosity and discovering who YOU are and what YOU think.

6) Meditate, even for five minutes, to connect with your inner being.

7) Pick flowers and set them around your house.

8) Go for walks.

9) Maybe get a dog to go with you on your walks. There is nothing more dear than the laughter brought on by a pet.

10) Do art. No pressure to do anything outrageous, just play!

YOU are not alone in your moods of ranting and it is OK to do so, because it is you saying back to yourself, "Hey, what about me?" It's OK to do that sometimes. It is OK to feel at times that you almost hate this person you are caring for and just want to run. Give yourself some slack. Know that you are not alone in your feelings. It's alright. We both know that within the next second, time can be refreshed. You take on the role of nursing for this person because you honestly do care. So be kind back to that nurse OK? OK!! You do it and I will too!

You are not alone.

~~*~~

THE IMAGE IS ONE OF MY PAINTINGS. IT IS CALLED "LOST AT SEA" and is 62x75 oil on canvas.

~~*~~

Eliza "Rainbow"

Love transcends

Normally we do things for people close to us because we love them.. cradle that as you don't want to become bitter and lose that.

I Would Miss You - Even If We Had Never Met

I think I'd miss you

even if I'd never met you.

I think there would be a space missing from me.

When I am not with you now

I cannot think of much else

than what is lacking

a few missed breaths

a few sentiments to share with someone

who understands

someone in the same space.

When I am not with you

airplanes still fly overhead

What on earth can they be thinking?

Some would think me damaged

or at least insecure

oh so needy

without love notes in my pocket.

Yet, my stance

my journey

the very essence of my said creativity

is not quite centered

when you are not within reach.

What can I say?

What excuses do I have?

Except...

it is what it is

that's all.

I am within that fairy tale

the one that little girls grew up dreaming about?

The ones with the white horse

the kiss that awakens...

a sleeping

damsel.

Goddess alert

keep your voice intact

poetry is never all that far

words that wind round dreams

unmet.

You my love

are like the breeze

of the words I want to say

I am understood

encouraged

lifted up

by you.

And I?

I love you.

I think that I would miss you

even if we had never met.

I think I would feel incomplete

never being able to figure out what was missing.

Lonely

for a song

that would never find its way to sound.

Like a rose in a vase without baby's breath

and ferns

a flower in a vase

without water

left to dry out.

Or maybe I'd just stay inside the garden

wondering

and no one would come to pick me

at all.

Yes~

I know...

that I would miss you

"even if we had never met."

by Kathy Ostman-Magnusen

copyright 2011

~~*~~

ABOUT Kathy Ostman-Magnusen: I am an artist, represented by Monkdogz Urban Art, New York. ORIGINAL ART may be purchased through Monkdogz: http://www.monkdogz.com/chelseagallery/artistart/M...

FREE ART GIFTS,suitable for children plus prints, giclees, cards, available on my website: http://www.kathysart.com

THE IMAGE IS OF MY PAINTING "ORCHIDS" 36X48 OIL ON CANVAS

~~*~~

THE IMAGE IS OF ONE OF MY PAINTINGS, "Bromeliad" 18x24 oil on canvas

IMAGE IS OF MY PAINTING "The Dancer" 36x48 oil on canvas

IMAGE IS OF MY PAINTING "Mermaid Baby" 20x24 oil on canvas

You NEED to DANCE.. your heart and being must maintain flight and hope and caring for who you are too.. DANCE!!

People form things from their hands.. it starts with their hands.

A THUMBS UP IS SOOO APPRECIATED TOO!!